


i'm still wearing the smile you gave me

by featherpluckn



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13700223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/featherpluckn/pseuds/featherpluckn
Summary: That one time Ethan and Leanne try to get their acts together, kind of, or how long can friends with benefits last when we're in love with each other?





	1. Chapter 1

Ethan Willis’ love life had never been particularly complicated. There had been long-term relationships and short-term relationships, live-in girlfriends and one-night stands, but never a relationship quite like the one he shared with Leanne Rorish. 

He had known from the jump she would be different. 

The main difference being, he had a crush on her for months almost from the beginning. An embarrassing _can’t take his eyes off of her, heart swelling with pride at every save, electricity with every accidental touch crush_ , which almost never happened. 

He felt ridiculous. He was a grown man. 

He was a goner.

Ethan absolutely did not want to call it pining but he had come to the conclusion that it was, in fact, pining. Probably one-sided pining at that, which made him feel even more like he was back in high school. 

Because for all of Leanne’s smiles and brushes of fingertips against his shoulder as she passed him, and defending his every action to Campbell, he knew her history. To be fair, there wasn’t anyone in Angels who didn’t.

He couldn’t imagine losing his whole family in one day. One morning you’re waking up to laughing children and warm hugs from your significant other and the next, there is just a hole in your life so big nothing could ever fill it. 

Five years after losing her family, Leanne was still dealing with that part of her life, and understandably so. Ethan knew it was hard for her to come to terms with the fact her family wasn’t waiting for her to come home after every shift. She had told him as much. 

Even if she hadn’t confided in him he would have picked up on it. Every MVA coming into Angels Trauma Center sent her into a desperate flurry to do everything within her power (and then some) to save the patients. She wasn’t quite as composed with those cases and they made her jump at the opportunity to defy conventional wisdom. Still, as good as she was and as hard as she tried there were still parents holding onto their child’s hands for the last time. 

It was after a particularly hard case like this that everything changed for them. 

*

Leanne and Ethan had been working relentlessly to a save a boy who had been brought in from an MVA on the freeway. There were two children involved and one had died on impact. The paramedics said the boy had been pinned in the car. Rescuers had to wait what seemed like forever for the jaws of life so he could be extracted. His blood pressure bottomed out as soon as they got him to center stage and one look at the distended belly told them his spleen had ruptured. 

They opened him up in the middle of the ER and tried desperately to stop the bleeding but it was too late. He was losing blood faster than they could get it in him and his heart couldn’t take it. For half an hour they tried, with Leanne doing the compressions herself. She was determined through the sheer force of her iron will to bring him back. 

There was no more they could do. Everyone gathered around that gurney knew it and he knew Leanne did too.

Ethan asked for a pulse check but she didn’t stop. He heard Jesse ask her if she wanted a pulse check but she didn’t stop. 

The residents were looking at each other trying to decide which one of them was going to be brave enough to suggest it again. 

But before he knew what was happening, his feet had carried him to the other side of the gurney. He placed a hand on her back and whispered her name.

“Leanne?”

Her compressions faltered finally, and she looked at him. The world stopped for a moment when their eyes met. It was just them and he couldn’t tell if her tear-filled eyes were pleading with him to do more or to stop her because she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself. He chose the latter. 

Ethan shook his head and he saw Leanne blink back tears and bite her lip, her mask shattering for just a second before she slammed it back in place. She took a deep breath,ripped her gown and gloves off, and walked away from center stage with her head down. 

Ethan’s eyes didn’t leave her retreating form when he whispered, “Any objections? Time of death 7:13 PM.”

He had every intention of following her right out of center stage because he couldn’t stand the thought of her crying somewhere by herself, but he felt a hand wrap around his bicep. 

He turned to face Jesse who was shaking his head, “Give her about 10 minutes. She’ll be in the observation room above OR 1.” The doctor nodded his head, and tried not to think about how obvious it must have been that he wanted to run after Leanne.

*  
Coffee seemed like a good peace offering but Ethan still wasn’t sure how he would be received. She may truly want to be alone and this could all blow up in his face. 

Although, they had become closer since the hemorrhagic fever outbreak, and if he was honest with himself, maybe because of it. He had a real chance at losing her at that time. The days he spent in center stage without her beside of him while she was recuperating seemed to drag on forever. 

He had missed his sounding board and defender and friend. He had missed his _Leanne_. 

When she finally returned to work, it was like a fog cleared for him. 

Her first morning back most of them were in the the breakroom. Mama and Daddy had gotten into it about how many doughnuts the nurse had snuck into his scrubs. Leanne cackled and smiled so big something inside of him broke open. He didn’t want to be away from that sound again. 

And it was more than friendship. And it was more than a crush. He had _feelings_ for her. 

But that wasn’t the point of this little mission. He was going to offer her coffee, a friendly ear to listen if she wanted to talk, and if she wanted to be left alone he could do that too. Hopefully, he could somehow help her get past the current emotional roadblock.

Ethan caught the handle to the observation room with his elbow and pushed through the door slowly. It was dark inside, darker than he thought it would be. He could just make out Leanne’s silhouette in the darkness. She had her head in her hands but he was pretty sure she heard the door. 

“I didn’t even know those windows had blinds.”

She hummed and picked her head up, looking in his direction.

“If they don’t go back up, I’m blaming you.”

Ethan chuckled but his light mood didn’t last long. His eyes were adjusting to the lack of light and he caught sight of her face. It was a little splotchy and her eyes were wet and she just looked so heartbreakingly sad. The catch in his chest gave him the courage to walk further into the room.

“I brought you some coffee.”

He held out one of the cups and it stayed between them for a few seconds too long. He could tell she was trying to figure out how easy he would be to get rid of if she took it. She finally did with half of a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and whispered, “Thank you.” 

She pulled the lid off, blowing on the hot liquid and looked at him suspiciously “This isn’t from the breakroom.”

“Uh, I just thought you could use a cup of the good stuff today. It’s from that overpriced place down the street everyone around here loves so much.”

“Excuse you! It’s delicious.”

Ethan scoffed, “I’ve drank coffee dripped through a sock in a warzone. Coffee is coffee”

He thought he saw a faint grin before she pointed at him, “Bullshit.”

“Okay. Maybe not a sock but it tasted like motor oil and still got the job done.”

“Well, thank you for going against everything you believe in to bring me outstanding coffee.” She reached out and squeezed the hand that had been holding her coffee a few seconds earlier, “Truly.”

They lapsed into silence then, sipping at their respective drinks. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It never was for the two of them. After a few minutes, Leanne patted the chair next to her, “Sit, please.”

He took a seat and felt Leanne’s head move to his shoulder immediately. He figured if she was willing to ask him to stay, and quite literally lean on him, it might be safe to broach the actual reason he sought her out in the first place. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ethan felt her tense a little before she answered, “Not really.”

“Okay.”

She drew in a deep breath and let it back out with a world weary sigh. Throwing caution to the wind, he put an arm around her shoulder. He caught her taking a sip of her drink out of the corner of her eye before she snuggled closer into his side.

Leanne turned her face into his chest and spoke so low he barely made out the words, “It’s them. Almost every time. _It’s them_.”

“I know.”

He could feel dampness seeping through his scrub top. He could hear her sniffle and her shaky breath when she exhaled, “I just, I…”

“You don’t have to explain anything to anybody, especially me. You feel how you feel, and even if it does get easier, it probably will never go away.”

Ethan put his coffee down in the empty chair next to him before taking hers from her hands and doing the same. He gathered her in his arms just as her next shuddering breath turned into a sob.

Leanne’s arms wound tight around his waist. Her tears kept coming.for a long time, but the embrace lasted even longer. 

And Ethan was completely okay with that because at least her crying had subsided. She was safe here in his arms, in the dark, for a little while. He would make sure of that. Of course, her past with all of its grief was still there but it was held at bay. He was just selfish enough to be proud that he was the reason. 

He didn’t even realize he was rocking them back and forth a little until she put a stop to it by raising her head to look at him. Her eyes were red but not sad anymore, and she looked soft where her eye makeup had long since rubbed away, probably on his shirt. He did not give one fuck though because she was looking at him with such gratitude and affection he could hardly breathe. 

Leanne brought one of her hands up and cupped his jaw before leaning in and pressing a kiss against his lips. 

Her lips were soft and the kiss was sweet and Ethan lost himself in the few moments of serenity that fell over him. It didn’t last long enough though. Before he could help himself he was trying to chase her lips for more, but she was already standing, trying to pull herself back together.

She bent to get her coffee but stopped and dropped another kiss to the top of his head, whispering, “Thank you, again, for more than you know.”

She grabbed her cup after that and headed back out into the chaos that would, no doubt, be the rest of her shift. 

It wasn’t until he heard the soft click of the door shutting that he thought to whisper into the darkness, “You’re welcome.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note the rating change, dearies. nothing too explicit but playing it safe just in case ;)

Over the next few days, Ethan barely saw Leanne except for patients or hospital business. He couldn’t help but think it was because of what had happened in the observation room. He didn’t think she wasn’t going out of her way to avoid him. However, it almost seemed like she made it a point they weren’t alone together. 

Maybe he stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong. Maybe he read too much into her sharing and affection and the kiss. Maybe he pushed her too far out of her comfort zone.

But _she_ kissed _him_. 

He convinced himself it was just a thank you. Just a friendly kiss that went on about ten seconds too long. A kiss that set his whole world into sharp focus and threw it out of control all at once. 

No big deal. 

Except, it was a big deal for him and it had been torture being around Leanne and not knowing if it had meant the same to her. 

Luckily, Leanne had been off today and he didn’t have to come in tomorrow. Some space from this place would be good for him. All he had on his itinerary was sleeping late, possibly a run, beer, nature documentaries on Netflix, and beer. He couldn’t wait to get home and do absolutely nothing productive. 

Slipping on his leather jacket, his plans for a quick exit were squashed when he closed his locker and came face to face with Mario and Angus.

Ethan wasn’t a fan of the smiles mirrored on both of the young doctors’ faces. They looked nervous and he mentally kicked himself for thinking he was going to make a clean break tonight. 

He put on a fake smile and asked, “Dr. Savetti, Dr. Leighton how can I help you?”

He was busy trying to figure out who he was going to dump their problem on when Savetti cleared his throat. “Well, uh, a bunch of us are going to Roscoe’s and we were, um, just wondering if you wanted to come out?”

Ah. That explains the nervousness. The residents had probably asked him a dozen times to hang out with them outside of work, and he always turned them down. They were persistent though.

Little did they know, they picked a good time to ask again. As much as he wanted to go home and turn into a vegetable holding a beer, he did want to take his mind off of his personal life. An added bonus was the fact that not only did he not hang out with the residents outside of work, neither did Leanne. 

Two birds, one stone. He could drink beer _and_ avoid trying to figure out what he was going to do about his situation with Dr. Rorish. 

“Yeah, sure. I could use a night out.”

*

Roscoe’s wasn’t that far away from the hospital. He drove past it the first time and had to circle back, finally catching the sign in the fading daylight. The bar was located in a nondescript cement building, painted black, with a walk-up pizza place attached. It didn’t look like much from the outside but it boasted cold beer and, honestly, that’s all he was interested in anyway. 

Ethan was pleasantly surprised when he walked inside. The walls were brick and the bar taking up one side of the interior was made of dark wood. Plush-looking leather booths lined other side of the room. It was warm and welcoming. Just the kind of place to take the edge off after a hard shift. No wonder the residents congregated here so often. 

He started making his way over to grab a drink from the bar when he noticed Mario and Noa at the far end. Mario had a beer in one hand and her hand in the other. They were standing very close and he was whispering something in her ear that made her roll her eyes. She grabbed her whiskey from the counter and kissed him quickly before taking a sip. 

At least those two had figured out how to let themselves be happy, before life had time to complicate it. 

Noa must have noticed him walking towards them because she pushed Mario back a bit and smiled, waving him over. Mario turned just as he made it to the couple, reaching out to shake his hand. “Dr. Willis! You came!”

Ethan laughed and nodded his head. “I made it.”

He released the younger man’s hand to flag down the bartender. He placed his order and turned back around to the two residents.

“You sound so surprised.” 

“Well it’s a special occasion. We don’t usually have Mama, Daddy, and you agree to drinks with us. I’ve had to adjust my expectations.”

_Shit_.

“Leanne’s here?” He really hoped his voice didn’t sound as high out loud as it did in his head. 

“Yeah. She’s out back with everyone else. Apparently, it’s been an exhausting week for everybody.”

“That it has.” His chuckle was weak. He tried not to think about how unwelcome a sight he would be for Leanne. He really wanted a night to relax but he knew she needed one too. There was no way he could back out now without looking crazy. If he saw that she was uncomfortable with him being there in any way, well, he could drink at home. 

About that time, the bartender was back with his beer and he started a tab. If he did end up staying, he was going to need more than one. He gestured toward the back of the building, “Lead the way.”

There were a couple of saloon doors that opened up to a patio with pool tables, foosball, and a couple of dart boards. Barstools were set against the fence and that’s where he found Leanne. She was sitting with Mike and Jesse standing in front of her, but met his eyes almost as soon as he walked through the door. It was amazing to him how easily that always happened.

He didn’t expect the small smile and wave he received. 

And he blamed his surprise for responding to her welcome with _finger guns_. 

Her eyes got wide and he could tell she was trying very hard not to laugh. The same could not be said for Mike and Jesse who had turned when they saw Leanne wave at someone behind them. Mike was almost on the damn floor wheezing with laughter and Jesse brought out guns of his own. The nurse fake shot him the whole walk of shame over to the trio. 

By the time he made his way over, Leanne couldn’t hold it in anymore. She was laughing so hard tears were in her eyes. It was such a welcome sight he forgot about the embarrassment that caused it in the first place. 

Jesse clapped him on the back getting his attention. “Hey, Billy the Kid! Didn’t expect to see you here!”

Ethan took a sip of his beer and replied, “I go places, sometimes.” He pointed his bottle towards Leanne, “You, on the other hand, are a surprise.”

“Trust me. I would rather be in yoga pants bingeing Great British Bake Off but Jesse drug me out kicking and screaming spouting some _Ay! Daddy, get off that couch. Sue and Mel don’t count as friends_ bullshit.”

Ethan feigned outrage “How dare he!”

“Right? Unforgivable.”

She had bitten her lip to keep her smile in check but he hadn’t. He also realized about a minute too late they had been staring at each other, and they had an audience. Clearing his throat, he watched Leanne realize it too and both of their gazes went to Jesse.

The nurse had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face and Ethan could practically hear the gears in his head whirring but to his credit, Jesse said nothing. 

Searching for something to take attention away from the fact he really liked looking at Leanne’s face (especially when she was kind of still looking at him like she wanted to kiss him again), Ethan’s eyes landed on the dart boards on the wall beside of him. 

“Darts! Uhhh, does anyone want to play?”

He was not expecting the reaction he received from Jesse and Mike. The nurse choked on the beer he had just drank, shaking his head back and forth. Mike all but screamed "Not it!" and parked himself on the nearest barstool. 

While he was trying to work out exactly their aversion to the game, he heard Leanne scoff.

“There is no way I’m playing that game with you.”

He turned his head to face her. She was staring at him with a blank expression but there was a glint in her eye. By the end of the night, he would come to the realization in that moment she had looked like a lioness about to pounce on some poor unsuspecting gazelle but at the time he just smiled his most charming smile and asked, “Are you afraid of losing Dr. Rorish?”

He heard both men to the left of them laugh, loudly, before Jesse tried to get his attention, “ _Ay, dios mio_... uh, Ethan? I wouldn-”

She cut the nurse off with a smile on her face that was somewhere between amused and predatory. “Why should I play darts with you?”

“Oh, well, I could teach you a few things.”

Leanne narrowed her eyes, her smile growing wider and he realized how it sounded. 

“No. I me-” He started to clarify but was interrupted by a mumbled _oh, I’m sure you could_ which made his face feel much warmer than it should have. 

“Alright. Sure, let’s play.

Ethan turned towards the board and found it to be not in tip-top shape, but it would do. He grabbed the darts and moved Leanne back to the throwing line. 

“Do you know anything about darts?”

“You throw the sharp things at the wall?”

Ethan laughed and handed her three of the darts. “More or less.”

He then proceeded to explain the board, the corks, and the different games you could play. Leanne was of course soaking it up like a sponge, asking all of the right questions. 

“I think we should play cricket. It’s probably the least complicated for a newbie.”

He heard what he thought was laughter, again, from Mike and Jesse but when he turned they were flagging down a waitress for a pitcher. 

“Sure, whatever you say. Can it be a drinking game?”

“Of course, we are in a bar.”

 

“Loser buys the winner a beer?”

“Why don’t we wait on the betting? I’m not sure it would be fa-”

“No. It’s fine. Maybe I’ll have some beginner’s luck.”

Ethan shrugged his shoulders in agreement. It wasn’t his money and he wouldn’t say no to a few free drinks. He rode his bike but he could always get a ride home.

“Okay. You go first.”

Leanne stood at the line facing the board head on and he couldn’t resist asking, “Do you want some throwing pointers?”

A slow smile graced her face and she raised her eyebrows. “Please.”

“Alright. You want to stand solid on the line with your right foot planted.”

He saw Leanne situate herself and moved closer placing a hand on the small of her back. “Yes. Great. Okay, now grip the dart like you would a pen and bring it level with your right eye.”

“Like this?” 

“Not quite.” He tried to figure out a way to explain it but couldn’t come up with the right words. He reached up towards her hand but stopped himself asking, “Do you mind?”

“Be my guest.”

He was about to reposition her hand when she swallowed hard and her breathing quickened. He tried to figure out what was wrong, and almost asked, but came to the realization on his own. His left hand was still on her lower back, and when he had reached up his right to take her hand, it had pressed the front of him against the back of her. Their faces were right beside of each other too and when he glanced at her, he saw the same nervous glances reflected back at him. 

Ethan cleared his throat and repositioned Leanne’s fingers. “There you go. You were just gripping too hard. Your pointer finger is there just to guide the tip.”

The coughing that came from his left took him by surprise and when he looked over, Jesse was beating Mike on the back. “You know what? The two of us are going to go somewhere a little less hot. Mike’s having a hard time with the temperature over here.” He grabbed their pitcher from the ledge on the wall and dragged Mike across the room to where Noa, Mario, and Angus were playing pool. 

Leanne shook her head and caught Ethan’s gaze. “Ugh, don’t pay them any attention. I think I’m good now though.”

He took a step back, “Alright, just let your arm do all of the work and keep the rest of your body still.”

Leanne let her first dart fly and it hit the triple ring of the 20. She fired her second and third shot which both hit the bull’s eye. She turned around with a huge grin on her face. Ethan’s mouth dropped open. She had been fucking with him.

“Are you kidding me? You play?”

“I never said I didn’t. You just assumed.”

“Remind me never to do that again.”

She hummed in response and pointed him towards the line for his turn. “Let’s see what you got, Dr. Willis.”

He stepped up to the line and right before he let go he felt her come up behind him and run her hand along the back of his shoulder, speaking lowly in his ear. “Do you need help with your grip?”

He choked. She cackled. And the dart took off somewhere in the vicinity of the board.

He turned to give her lecture about fair play but when he saw the unapologetically smug look she was leveling at him, all he wanted to do was kiss it off her face. 

All things considered, probably not the greatest idea.

“How many points is the wall, again?”

Ethan shook his, trying not to laugh “You are not as amusing as you think you are.”

“I am extremely amusing. Everybody thinks so.”

As he lost the battle with his laughter, he realized just how much trouble he was in.

*

They ended up playing four games and Leanne kicked his ass in every one of them, handily. 

It had been worth it though. Ethan wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her laugh or smile so freely, even if it was at his expense. Their back and forth was so easy. He could get used to spending time with her. 

Just as he was about to suggest it, Leanne drained her fourth free beer and excused herself to the bathroom. 

He was busy admiring the exceptional fit of her jeans when he felt someone walk up beside of him. “So, how long have you and Daddy been sleeping together?”

Ethan’s head swiveled to the left so fast, he was surprised it stayed attached to his body. Jesse was standing there grinning at him, looking way too pleased with himself. 

“We are not sleeping together, and even if we were, it wouldn’t be any of your business.”

“Actually, when my two best doctors are knocking boots that does concern me.”

“Either way, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you think is going, is definitely not going on.”

Jesse shrugged and shook his head. “That’s a shame. The sparks flying in this corner almost burnt the place down.” 

Ethan narrowed his gaze at the nurse and tried to decide if he wanted to divulge his feelings for Leanne. To be fair, there was no one she was closer with. The two of them had a bond that was more than friends, almost brother and sister at this point. 

And Jesse didn’t seem opposed to the idea of them sleeping together, so maybe he could help him out. 

Ethan caught himself stalling by peeling the label off his PBR and stopped. Taking a deep breath, he looked around to make sure Leanne wasn’t within hearing distance. He found her racking balls to start a game of pool with Dr. Dixon. Poor guy. He should at least give him the head’s up no one spared for him. 

“Dixon! Whatever you do, don’t agree to buy her beers!”

The young resident looked extremely confused, and when Ethan met Leanne’s eyes she flipped him the bird with a smile. 

“You’re not doing a good job convincing me you aren’t hooking up.”

Willis took a deep breath to steady his nerves before he tried to explain himself. “We really aren’t. But, um, I wouldn’t be opposed to it, or maybe….uh something a little more than that.”

Jesse whistled low and took a long swallow of his beer before pointing the bottle at Ethan. “You serious, bro?”

“Yeah. Yes, I am. We’ve been getting closer lately, and I don’t know? She’s hard to read sometimes but we kissed the other day.”

The nurse’s eyes widened but he didn’t say anything. 

“It wasn’t much....but it was, and it feels like she’s been avoiding me ever since. Please keep this between me and you and our beers. I have a feeling if Leanne found out I said anything to anybody she would kill me, then you, and then me again.”

“You insult me, Dr. Willis.” Jesse chuckled a little and clapped Ethan on the back. “I’ve known Leanne for a long time. Talk to her, _amigo_. Tell her what you’re feeling. She’ll appreciate it.”

“Thanks, Jesse.” 

They both saw Leanne walking toward them at the same time. Jesse beat a hasty retreat saying he needed to go find out if Eloise had a ride home. Leanne made it back to their little corner of the bar, flopping down onto a stool with a sigh.

“That was the shortest pool game in history.”

Leanne smiled lazily at him. “He’s a nice kid but really shit at pool. More importantly, I couldn’t even hustle him out of beer because of a certain colonel.”

“Don’t you have your own money, Rorish?”

She threw her hands up and looked at him incredulously. “It’s just so much more fun if I can get a beer for free and watch the light slowly die behind someone’s eyes at the same time.” 

He knew he was staring but he couldn’t help it. She was smiling so big. Her face was a little flushed with alcohol, and her eyes were bright and kept darting down to his lips. She must have realized this too because she cleared her throat and asked, “So, what were you and Mama talking about before I got over here?”

“Guy stuff.”

“ _Guy_ stuff?”

“Yeah.” Ethan had taken the couple of steps towards Leanne’s barstool. They were touching knee to thigh when he stopped and she had to look up a little to meet his eyes. “So, I’ve been thinking about the other day.”

Her smile dimmed a little. “Oh.”

“You’ve done a really good job avoiding me.”

And that did her smile in completely. “Ethan, I’m sorry. I just didn-”

“It’s okay, really. I get it. You’ve been afraid of it being awkward or you were freaking out about kissing me or whatever, and I just want to let you know it was definitely not unwelcome.”

Leanne’s eyebrows rose a few inches up her forehead. “ _Oh_.”

Ethan nodded his head and continued before he lost whatever courage he had found. “And there is absolutely no pressure for you to want the same thing. If you don’t, that’s fine. We’ll just go back to the way things were because I’ve kind of gotten used to being around you.”

“Ethan..” Leanne’s voice was barely a whisper. She reached out and took his hand. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been willing to even try anything resembling a relationship. I don’t think I can. Please, don’t take it personally.”

“Of course not.”

“But I am attracted to you. I know that much, and I would really like to try kissing you again...sometime in the very near future.” Her hand squeezed his. 

So, she wasn’t into relationships. Well, that was completely understandable considering her history. He could work with this.

“Okay. Let’s just see how it goes. No expectations. No commitments. We’ll just play things by ear.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“If that’s what you need to be comfortable? Absolutely. I’m just asking that you let me know what you’re feeling and I’ll do the same.”

Leanne laughed a little and looked away from him towards the front of the bar. He could see her try to center herself, to try and will away the moisture that had come to her eyes. She was still loosely holding his hand and it took everything in him not to use the grip to pull her into his arms. 

She turned her head towards him again, biting her bottom lip. “You are pretty incredible. You know that?”

He could feel the blush bloom on his cheeks and he looked down at the floor to try to at least keep that to himself. 

“Alright. I’m in.” Ethan’s heart swelled with her words. He couldn’t believe it. “Do you want to have lunch tomorrow? You’re off, right? I’d really like to talk a little more about this but I’m probably not going to stay much longer. Ariel should be home from her friend’s in a little while.”

“D-definitely. Just text me when and where. Do you have a ride home tonight?”

“My victory beers might have tasted sweet but didn’t do that much damage, thank you very much. But yes. Mike drove Jesse and me.”

“Alright, Rorish. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She was the one who used her grip to pull him into a hug. She was still seated on the high barstool and it brought their faces even with each other. Her cheek was pressed into his and he could feel her smile. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and pushed him away.

“Okay. Get out of here, Willis.”

Somehow, he found the willpower to walk away from her. Turning just before going through the saloon doors, he threw her a little wave. She rolled her eyes, but smiled and waved back. He wasn’t sure what was coming for them but he sure as hell was excited to find out. 

*

Ethan had paid his tab and left the bar with a spring in his step. He had lost his shirt in darts, had to endure the third degree from Jesse, but he had made some progress with Leanne. She didn’t hate him. She even wanted to maybe, possibly try something with him. Whatever that might be was still up in the air, but he was excited to even get the opportunity to explore what could be. 

He had just turned the corner towards the parking lot when he heard Leanne’s voice. 

“Ethan, wait!” 

He stopped in his tracks and turned just in time to stop Leanne from barreling into him. He grabbed her gently by the shoulders to steady her. She was trying to catch her breath and failing. 

He let go of her shoulders and patted himself down. “Did I leave something?” 

Leanne shook her head. “No. No, you didn’t leave anything. I just wanted to tell you that you were wrong.”

“You chased me down to tell me I was wrong? I know you like a good _I told you_ so but you’re taking it to new levels, Rorish.”

“Don’t be wrong so much and you wouldn’t have to worry about it, Willis.” Her smile turned into a sigh and she ran her hands through her hair before continuing. “No. I wanted to tell you that you were wrong about me avoiding you because I was freaked out about kissing you or that I didn’t want to see you because I regretted doing it.”

“Oh.” He was so confused he couldn’t come up with a better response. 

She was still breathing hard but he didn’t think it was from running now. She took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. She looked extremely nervous. What the hell is going on?

“I was avoiding you because I don’t trust myself not to do it again and I wasn’t even sure if you wanted me to kiss you in the first place. I mean, what was I thinking? Going around kissing someone who is just being a fr-“

Ethan kissed her, hard. Hard enough to turn her brain off. Hard enough to stop her from thinking that he didn’t want this. Hard enough to show her she was the one so fucking _wrong_ for once.

And apparently hard enough to knock their noses together. Not that either one of them seemed to care at the moment. He grabbed the side of her neck and tilted her head to deepen the kiss. Her mouth opened to his and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears. 

He backed her up into the outside of the bar. Her tongue met his and she moaned into his mouth. She grabbed around his shoulders, bringing their bodies flush. The feeling of her against him, like this, was something he hadn’t experienced in so long. They were fully clothed and his pants were already getting tight. He had to find some kind of restraint here or it was going to get embarrassing, quick. 

Ethan pulled back abruptly to try to regain a little bit of self control. They were both breathing heavily now. Leanne was slow to open her eyes but when she did, they were dark with intention. Her mouth was parted and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. The flush that crept down her neck to her chest made him want to follow it with his mouth. When his gaze rose to her face again, she licked her lips and raised a challenging eyebrow.

Fuck, control. 

He grabbed her hips and pulled her to him once more, crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss. Her leg wound around his and she brought them even closer together. He felt her hips roll tentatively into his and she pulled away from his mouth with a gasp. His hands flew to her ass and guided her into him again.

They both shuddered and Leanne’s forehead fell to his chest. She moaned and began rolling her hips in earnest, and he matched her move for move. 

It felt too good. It shouldn’t feel like this. He shouldn’t be so ready to strip her right here in the darkened parking lot of a dive bar. 

Leanne let out a whispered _oh my godddd_ before she raised her head and nipped at his bottom lip. 

Ethan didn’t recognize the sound he made then. Some strangled form of her name and a curse tried to come out at the same time. It would have been embarrassing if he wasn’t distracted by the tender kiss she gave the place she had bitten. She kissed him slowly after that. Her tongue working hotly against his own. 

And her hips never stopped. The friction was goddamn maddening. 

His hands flared out at her hips and spread against her ribs, moving upwards before he realized the destination. He stopped short of her breasts. His thumbs almost met in the middle at her sternum, and he started stroking there up and down because it’s one thing to make out in public but quite another to be felt up. 

Apparently, she had no such reservations and whispered against his lips “Don’t stop.”

Ethan nodded jerkily and groaned when he cupped Leanne’s breasts. He squeezed gently making her moan and arch into his hands. The thin shirt she was wearing left nothing to the imagination and he could feel her nipples pressing into his palms. 

The public setting was really starting to piss him off because he wanted her in his bed so he could use his mouth instead of his hands. He wanted to take his time and make her squirm. 

But, to be fair, she was doing a lot of squirming now. The leg she had wrapped around his was inching upward and her hips were becoming more insistent, grinding into him with a purpose. It felt so fucking good. He wasn’t sure he would come like this, but he was pretty sure she could.

And she must be too because she ripped her mouth away from his and hissed, “More.”

“ _Fuck_ , Leanne.”

One of his hands dropped to her thigh holding her leg snugly at his waist, and he put more weight into the next press of hips. 

“Okay?”

“Y-yes.”

The fingers of his other hand found her nipple through the material of her shirt and pinched. 

A hoarse cry escaped her and she nodded her head frantically. He did it again, and she buried her face in his neck to muffle her next cry. 

Well, shit. Her response to him was driving him fucking crazy. Maybe he _could_ come like this. In his pants. Like a teenager. 

Because the rhythm of their hips, her ragged breathing against his skin, the hands tugging at his hair were all combining to overwhelm him in the best way possible. 

He could tell she was close. She was clinging to him, babbling against his skin. 

“Oh, Ethan! Mmmm _fuck_ s-so good!”

He rolled her nipple between his fingers again and pressed her harder into the brick. She kissed him messily in response, her tongue running along the roof of his mouth. 

Ethan could feel the heat of her arousal through the double layer of denim between them. He took his hand from her breast and slowly moved it down her body

He needed to touch her. He _had_ to touch her. 

His hand stopped at the waistband of her jeans and his fingers inched just inside, behind the button, rubbing the soft skin of her stomach. 

He stopped kissing her long enough to whisper “Can I?”

Leanne’s breath hitched but she never got the chance to answer. A car alarm went off a few yards away from them. It must be parked right in front of the bar. She dropped her leg from around his waist so fast it threw Ethan off balance and he stumbled forward, knocking their heads together.

She hissed, “Jesus Christ”, and her hand flew to her forehead, rubbing at the spot furiously.

He was apologizing profusely and trying to massage his own aching head when they heard the door of the bar slam open. Leanne’s fingers went to Ethan’s mouth to quiet him. 

They couldn’t make out the owner of the voice that was cursing and sifting through their jingling keys. It could be someone from work. All the person had to do was walk a few feet down the sidewalk and they would see the two of them standing very close and very disheveled. 

The moment was officially gone. Ethan could see a little bit of panic and fear in Leanne’s eyes. He hoped she wasn’t assuming the worst again. He had to make sure she realized he wanted this too. 

But he also didn’t want this to continue tonight. He could see that now. As much as he really, _really_ wanted to take her back to his apartment, the alarm had been a bucket of ice over his libido. 

His brain was finally functioning again and he realized they had both been drinking, not a lot. He was pretty sure she definitely wasn’t drunk but probably, pleasantly buzzed. He still didn’t want them taking this step without being completely sure. 

Whoever it was, finally silenced the alarm and went back inside breaking his reverie. 

Ethan took Leanne’s fingers from his mouth and kissed them before letting them fall back to her side. 

“Leanne, I…”

“See. I told you. I can’t trust myself around you.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to worry about that.”

She shook her head, staying quiet for almost a minute before speaking. 

“But I do have to worry about it. You’re probably the first person I’ve been interested in, like this, since, well, you know...” she gestured vaguely in the air around her before continuing, “And I meant what I said earlier. After all of these years, I’m still not sure if I can commit to more than anything physical.”

She looked down at the ground before looking up at him. Her eyes were wet and it broke his fucking heart. 

“I’m all messed up inside, Ethan. You deserve more than what I can give you.” 

He wasn’t sure how to respond without tearing up. So, he opened his arms and Leanne stepped into them, wrapping her arms around his waist. He kissed her temple softly before trying to put his feelings into words. 

“You don’t owe me anything. I want you. I wanted this tonight. I’ve wanted it longer than I care to admit. But please believe me when I say, I don’t want more than you can give.”

She scoffed and it broke something inside of him. He realized she had tried being with someone in the last few years. Probably guys she had been clear with from the start. Guys that she didn’t or couldn’t want relationships with and they had changed their minds. Guys who didn’t respect what she had been through or what she wanted. 

It made him furious. It made him want to punch something or rip something apart or both. 

“Hey. Look at me.”

She didn’t let go of his waist but she met his eyes.

“I mean it. Everybody needs intimacy and you definitely don’t deserve to spend the rest of your life alone because you don’t want a relationship.”

Leanne shook her head, “You say that now bu-”

“No. I said it and I meant it. But if you do want something like that I think we should talk about it tomorrow. We’ve both been drinking.”

“I’m not drunk. This didn’t happen because I’ve been drinking, Ethan. It just gave me a push.”

“I know. I feel the same but still….I would feel more comfortable talking about potential booty calls in the light of day.”

Leanne gasped and looked offended but he could see the amusement dancing in her eyes. “Oh my god! Did you just refer to sex we may or may not be having as a _booty call_?”

“If it makes you feel any better, I really like your booty.”

She contemplated it for half a second before answering, “You know what? It does.”

“I’m going to kiss you again.”

He leaned back down slowly and she stood on her toes to meet him halfway before answering “I’ll allow it.”

The kiss was short but they were both grinning like idiots through the whole thing. 

“You’re going to text me tomorrow right? Lunch?”

“You can count on it.”

With that, Leanne turned around and walked back towards the door of the bar, waving before she went around the corner. He finally made it to his bike and started it up, thinking how grateful he was the residents worked up the courage to invite him out.


End file.
